I wonder if I cut odd one of my students heads and stuck it on a spike in the front of class would that actually be enough to make the rest of them fall in line, because right now I think they'd just shrug and go back to talking in Chinese. My small class which had been so good for the past couple of weeks was in full rebellion today. I asked them to tell me something about college life, or high school, since too many had gone to the same college undergraduate. While most seemed to think it was boring and begrudgingly did it one girl just refused. She just sat there with her arms crossed refusing to participate. I basically had a choice here I could have tossed her out of the class, or at least threatened to, or I could talk to her about what her problem is and try to resolve it. I chose the later and I'm not sure it was the right choice. I spent a good amount of time trying to understand what her problem was, more or less it was that she wanted more focus on vocabulary and role play. I know some of the other students don't want this though and I think it's a bad idea. I think that my activity where each person speaks and then everyone else asks them questions is really helpful since it gets them all talking and asking and answering questions.
I've always had some trouble punishing people in class since I don't always feel I have the authority to since I have no earthly idea what I'm doing. I feel weird laying down the hammer trying to get them to do what I want when I don't know if what I want is right. In an attempt to convince them that you could talk at length about anything I lead a 45 minute in depth discussion of a coin, it's actually a scene from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I have no idea though if any of my point got through to them, and too much of the argument of class style was conducted in Chinese But I think that sure or not, good idea or not, right or not, I just have to lay down the hammer. I said at the end of class that some of this confusion was my fault for not being strict enough with them, and they all said no they liked my temperament, but I'm not sure that isn't part of the problem. I think that I have to worry less about if they like me or the class and more about what they're learning. It was harder at first when I was struggling to keep my head above water but now I need to do more.
There are a lot of different attitudes toward teaching here. No one came to China to teach, we all taught to come to China. Some give the absolute minimum, which here is pretty little. Honestly I understand the impulse. I've never been much of a worker at some of the part time jobs I've had. I spent hours at the gift shop I worked at surfing the internet or sitting in a closet, not that it matters much when there are no customers. But here I just can't bring myself to care that little. I care a lot less about the bigger classes to be sure, but I just sort of feel as if this smaller class, the one that's going to England, needs me. Most of the time teaching feels like some weird joke, or crazy experience, but with my smaller class I starting to really care about them and feel invested like, dare I say, their teacher. It's even weirder since at least two of them are older then me. Some of the other teachers make more of an effort, but I think in the beginning I was more concerned with getting through class then how I did it. Now I'm feeling more pressure to not just teach but to be a better teacher. Next time I'm bringing a jar and anyone who talks in Chinese has to put 1 Jiao, 1/10th of a RMB. I don't know if I'm doing the absolutely best thing to prepare them, it has it's good sides despite being boring, but I need more order in this class. What did Machiavelli say it's better to be feared then loved, I'm not sure he was wrong.
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